You hear a lot of people say that you “choose” your route in life. The whole “is the glass half full or empty” thing plays in here. My younger self always thought “yeah yeah, whatever, and all that fluffy malarky”… ok, maybe I didn’t actually think “malarky” as you never hear that term in the US. LOL! (I must be reading too much British literature.) I wasn’t so sold on the “mind over matter” idea. If that were true, tons of us would be millionaires, Hollywood stars, or Nobel prize winners… but we weren’t. I was completely missing the point. It wasn’t until I had my first transplant that I really witnessed the effects of this ideology coming to life. I had so many complications last time that, had I allowed it, I could have swallowed myself whole in misery. I DIDN’T allow it, and in turn, I ended up getting through the muck and into a much better place. I chose to wake up on the brighter side of the bed and hold on to hope with everything I had. I focused on the silver linings of every pile of slop they threw at me, and it helped me heal. My doctors all told me that positive thinking absolutely helps the process, and after finally getting the transplant and looking back at what it took to get there, I finally saw that they were right! 

I had my procedure to get my stents placed last week… it was a nightmare, but that’s all I’ll say about that. The end result was that they were only able to place one stent instead of the two they planned. Not great news to hear. However, the cardiologist who preformed the procedure said he saw some growth where the heart was trying to regrow vessels to make up for the stoppages, which is good. (Think of a lizard that can regrow its tail after it’s been cut off – not that my heart is a lizard…) When I asked that doctor what that meant for my bigger picture, he said I’d have to discuss that with my usual cardiologist to see what he says. Although, he added, if it were up to him, he would say that I would NOT be a good candidate to move forward with a kidney. *pause* 

Me: *blink blink* 

Doctor: However, your doctor has been doing this for a much longer time than I, so you’ll have to discuss that with him as well.

At that moment, I could have chosen to jump off the darker side of my bed and wallow in the dark thought of what that doctor’s comments could mean for my future. Instead, his comment fell on deaf ears and I refuse to even think of it as an option right now. I’m not ready for my feet to touch the cold floor on that side yet. I still have a few big things in my favor that will help me – I’m still young, and I am a completely compliant patient that takes care of myself. I also have a lot of doctors who are really working for me to get this done! They are on my side, even if this guy wasn’t! I’m so glad he wasn’t my usual doc! 

So, for the curious, my appt with my usual cardiologist isn’t until next week. He’ll then tell me what his plan is moving forward both heart-wise and transplant-wise. I’m praying that he is still as encouraging and optimistic as he has been these past 12-14 years! 

Link to donate – http://www.LivingDonorFortWorth.org

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Things I’m thankful for today:

1.  My parents. Whether it’s driving me to and from dialysis and eye appointments, going with me to dr appts, or coaching me through when I’m stuck in a nightmarish situation, they both have NEVER left my side. They have always been there with their soothing and caring words, holding my hand, hugging me, and showing me their love to help me get through my toughest times. Thank you both so much! I love you to the moon and back! 

2. Friend-time. Even though I’ve been a bit of a hermit these past few months, I’ve been lucky to have a chance to get together with most of my closest friends this month. Not only do I love spending time just hanging with you and catching up, but it’s always refreshing and emboldening to spend time with you all. You keep me feeling strong and loved and each one of you plays an important role in this crazy series of shows we call life! :D Love you!

3. My fur babies. When I got home from the hospital and wasn’t feeling at my best, all of my fur babies never left my side. It’s almost as if they knew something wasn’t right and they wanted to help. They did, just by curling up next to me to cuddle. 

4. Drinks. Now that I am not able to drink as much each day (because of my liquid restrictions), I have come to appreciate even more the chances I get gulp down a small amount of my favorite drinks! I’ll wait all day just to have a nice cup and a half of chocolate milk after dinner, or an iced cold cup Kool Aid or Hint water. I’m dying for the day I can get to a restaurant and just down the endless refills of large iced teas! Mmmmm…