Every now and then, we are placed in a situation that really makes us take stock in what we have and evaluate what we need to do with it.  Do we want to shrug it off and ignore it?  Dress it up and display it?  Shove it in a box and protect it forever?  Or maybe you want to enhance it and use it till it frays?   Throughout the past two years, I’ve been placed in many of these situations, and I’ve decided to do a bit of it all.  It’s time for me to start publicly acknowledging my experiences and being proud of the changes I’m trying to make…and after reading a few blogs that are similar to this, I realized I needed to do the same…

How’s that for a vague intro?  😉  Welcome to my little written space on the internet!  For those of you who know me, you’ll know that although I’m pretty social, I can also be pretty private about my personal life.  I’m not big on announcing all my biz on Facebook or throwing all my thoughts on Twitter, so this is kind of reaching out for me!  I’ll be honest… I do have a purpose behind this blog, one is kind of self-serving, the other is for you.  The main reason I am writing, though is to keep you updated on what is happening to me…because there has been a lot happening to me!  🙂  Sometimes, trying to recap this over and over to those concerned gets a bit exhausting and I figured this makes it a bit easier.  Not only that, I’ve seen how the game “Telephone” works, and the story can get pretty interesting by the time it gets through several people…so to prevent anyone thinking I’ve grown a 3rd head by some twisted communication, I’ll make sure to keep this clear for you.

I’m also writing to help myself.  I’ve been told it’s therapeutic, and right now, I need it.  🙂  So, occasionally, I’m sure you’ll probably see a post or two where I just start getting silly, and if that’s the case, sit back and laugh at me… I will be!  LOL!

So, to kick it off,  I have kidney failure.  I haven’t told a lot of people about this, but now I’m throwing it out on the table.   I had a fear that once people knew, they would view me differently, throw pity at me, and think of me as incapable…and there’s a good chance that people do.  However, I’ve found those who truly care aren’t pitying me, they are just concerned.  And if I seem incapable, maybe it’s b/c I am not at my 100% right now… and that will not last long!  Either way, the support I’ve received from those who know has really strengthened me and helped me get through some pretty tough times, so what should I be afraid of?

The short story is that I’ve had Type 1 diabetes for almost 20 years, and it’s killed my kidneys.  I found out in January of 2011, and it’s been a total roller coaster ride ever since.  I’ve worked with my doctors and am currently listed to have a kidney transplant (hopefully) soon, and am in the process of trying to get listed for pancreas as well.  My doctors feel that by getting rid of the diabetes (Woohoo!!!) they can help prevent further damage from being done to my new kidney…when I get it.  I’ve worked really hard to hide the “ugly” from everyone so they didn’t have to worry, and so far, it’s worked!  No one’s had to really see the many symptoms I’ve had to endure; even my doctor said she was shocked b/c I didn’t look “sick”.  My thought – isn’t that the point?   Anyway, it hit me the other day…because I don’t actually know anyone who’s gone through this, I’ve had to rely on the internet to get a sense of “connection” to others who have had similar experiences.  Message boards, blogs, medical newsletters… and reading what other transplant recipients have gone through has really helped me understand what to expect.  It has also helped me realize that the millions of thoughts floating in my head have also popped up in every single one of their heads as well!  So, I’m hoping that by sharing my story, and exposing some of the “ugly”, I can help someone out there feel a bit more like they’re part of a family, and not on their own.  🙂  Not only that, but I’m hoping it will help YOU understand what’s going on in my world too.

So, to ease the rumblings of what might be out there right now… so far, so good!  I do not have a 3rd head… I’m still working and very much my normal self!  I’ll write a brief update of what’s been going on tomorrow since I don’t want to make these entries too long…but feel free to ask me any questions you need to.  I’m an open book, and am not afraid to share!

Berta